Browsing Category

Mid-Exchange

Exchange Student Problems, Homesickness, Mid-Exchange, Study Abroad, Study Abroad 101

Why Christmas Might Be The Hardest Time To Be Abroad

To be honest, I am not a big fan of Christmas. In my family it is not really a big deal, plus I hate cold weather. Two reasons why I thought I wouldn´t have a lot of problems being in a tropical paradise around this time of year. I was excited to experience such a big event in a different country/culture, and I was excited for not having to spend it in the actual winter. But in reality I thought the time around Christmas to be much harder and in all honesty, it might have been the only time I actually felt homesick. Here are some reasons why Christmas for many students might be the hardest time to be abroad

#1 It´s a family thing

Like I mentioned, yes, Christmas is usually celebrated with family, and although I did not actively missed my family during my exchange as I was just too busy with other things, not spending Christmas with them did feel a little weird. Suddenly I felt nostalgic over all the drama that usually comes with the last days of December.

You don´t even have to be a family person to miss your family during Christmas, which would make it all the harder for those who do actively miss their family. Being with a new family that probably still feels too new to really feel the same comfort with as at home, not having this ´tradition´ to look forward to, which can make it a hard time of year

#2 It doesn´t feel like ´ Christmas´

Yes, you know it´s going to be different, but you still have this expectations of a feeling you always get, so when it´s 30 degrees warmer outside or your family doesn´t have a Christmas tree, it might not ‘feel´ like that celebration you usually love to much, and it´s hard to get into something when you are not ´feeling it´.

#3 It comes at the worst time of your exchange

Depending on when you leave for your exchange, Christmas usually comes in the middle of an exchange. This means you have probably already gotten used to your host country. Everything feels normal, to the degree it starts getting boring. Your host family starts to feel like real family, to the degree that you are starting to feel little annoyances with them.

In the Cultural Adjustment Cycle, you would commonly find yourself in stage 4 now, where you have overcome the initial adjustment and are now getting to know the deeper issues of a culture.

 

For those who have not seen it during their orientation camps, culture is often compared to an iceberg. There are a lof of obvious things that everyone can see. The way people dress, eat, etc. These things are strange at first, and you have to get used to them, but they are also quite easy to accept.
But any iceberg, as we all know, is much larger underwater than above the water, which means there are many many more things that we don´t see. Those things are not only harder to see, they also go way deeper into someone´s way of thinking. Eating might be a fairly easy thing to change, but things such as hand gestures might be so unconscious they are way harder to address.

And to continue the iceberg metaphor, icebergs are more likely to clash ´underwater´.

Without making this post too preachy; it is normal to have a little dip during this Christmas period. It is in fact part of your cultural assimilation (and means that you are on track). Believe me, I had a period where I hated everything about my host country. I wasn´t necessarily feeling homesick, but I was also not understanding the local culture which was extremely frustrating. But in the end, it passed, and without trying to claim I now ‘fully understand´ my host culture, bit by bit you will start accepting, understanding and appreciating it more.

But for now, good luck in these hard times and I wish you all a MERRY CHRISTMAS!

 

Note; These experiences are generalized and are not the same for everyone. If you are having a great time and are feeling none of these issues at all, I am really happy for you 🙂

Exchange Example Stories, Exchange Student Problems, First months of exchange, Host Family, Mid-Exchange, Study Abroad, Uncategorized

I hated my host family

This guest post will be shared anonymously, but I think it´s an good read for those who are experiencing problems with their host families.

Just for the record; I had two host families during my exchange year. And I hated both of them.
There was a difference, though.

It had always been my wish to go on an exchange, partially because of the ´living with a host family´ experience. It just seemed so exciting to me to have new brothers and sisters, that were different but you could do all sorts of fun stuff with. A family you can call your own family. One you can send letters and cards, and visit with your real family and then have a slightly weird and awkward family photo. Not that I don´t like my real family, au contraire, but the idea of cultural exchange + having a new family just seemed really exciting to me. We had even hosted students before, which had been hard sometimes but in the end always a lovely experience. I expected my experience as a host family would make my experience a little bit easier because I knew how hard it could be for the family as well and I promised myself I would do ANYTHING to make it work out with mine.

kaboompicscom_girl_sitting_on_a_tree_trunk
When I arrived at my first host family I was extremely excited. It took a while for my exchange organisation to find me one, which was extremely nerve-wracking (you must understand this struggle). When I finally got to meet them it was the first time I had heard about them, and also the first time they heard about me, which was a little odd. When getting the news they were allowed to host an exchange student, they didn´t even know what gender I was going to be. I had a sister and a brother and our house, even though it was small, it was truly amazing. It seemed everything I had hoped for.

Yes the weeks passed by and these little things weird things came up all the time. They ignored the fact that I had already been learning a lot of the language. From all of the arriving exchange students, I was one of the most advanced when it came to language, yet whenever they had a chance they would remind me that I wasn´t good at all, that I couldn´t understand anything. And not as a joke, or as constructive criticism. They also tended to be confused on where I was actually from, even after one month and me repeatedly telling and explaining them. It sounds silly, but it feels so bad when people don´t know or don´t recognize where you are from. When you go on exchange you get so confronted with your nationality and your identity, and when people don´t see that it´s like you are some ghost. A weird ghost that doesn´t fit in there, but apparently also doesn´t have a clear home.

d3ir4jin6f

There were more things, some of which are maybe better not shared on the internet, but all these little details made that I felt more and more uncomfortable. I cried so many times, and I didn´t even know why. I didn´t miss my family, I didn´t want to go home, I just didn´t feel comfortable with them. As days and days passed by, I realized I truly hated being with them.

So I changed families, something which I had sworn not to do. I felt terrible because I knew how bad my family felt whenever we had problems with an exchange student, and I didn´t want to hurt my host family. After all, they were kind enough to take me into their house, to share their lives with me! But somehow I could not stay there any longer.

When I arrived to my second family they also didn´t know what gender or nationality exchange student they were getting, but they were a little bit more understanding when I explained where I was from. Again, I had a brother and a sister. A sister whom I shared a room with. The material situation had definitely not improved. The house was smaller, and I had to share a room with my sister, but I didn´t care at all as I was just happy to have left the first family.

And with my new family everything went well. We had an amazing first month, they took me everywhere, I got to meet the rest of the family. Of course we had our problems, maybe even more problems than I had with the first family, but I felt like they were also trying to solve these issues, something I hadn´t felt with the first family. Months passed and I got into a huge fight with them. It was about something silly, as it always is, but I truly hated them at that moment. It was a different kind of hate though than I had felt with my first host family. It was the kind of hate you have when your mom tells you you can´t go to that concert in London because teenage girls aren´t supposed to travel to rock concerts alone kind of thing. It was as if they were my real family.

file2431291017257

I am writing this post for all exchange students who are struggling with their family and are thinking about changing. Remember that even with your real family you get annoyed, you get angry, you wish you could disown them at times. But they are your family, so you don´t. Looking back, I think my first family just wasn´t fit for being a host family. My second family was. And even though it wasn´t always easy and they maybe didn´t even feel like ´real´ family yet, I realized that the source of my annoyance was not a reason to change family, and you will never find the ‘perfect´ host family. All my friends who were sharing the most lovely photos of their happy family were the ones who eventually changed. When thinking of changing families, try to realize it is not all going to be perfect and think whether your annoyance is temporary, or it´s a longer standing issue. If so, try to talk to them first. Tell them you are uncomfortable or not yet used to the way they do things. A solution has to come from both sides. In case one of both sides is not willing to cooperate anymore, then think about changing families.

This guest post will be shared anonymously in order not to offend any of the families involved.

Exchange, Exchange Student Problems, Final months of exchange, Guest Post, Mid-Exchange, Study Abroad

An exchange doesn’t have to be the year of your life

Because my own experience is only limited, every wednessday I will share a guest blog. This week’s guest post was written by Elma Pålsson.

”The exchange doesn’t have to be the year of your life”

Sometimes I can feel like there’s a lot of pressure on you having the time of your life –all the time- during your exchange. Like the experience has to be life changing, eye-opening and completely amazing and that you, when it’s time to go back home, have to feel like you never want to leave.Like you’re supposed to book your plane ticket as late as possible and get all ‘OMG DONT TALK ABOUT I WILL CRYYY” when someone mentions your return.

And sure. Some of you will most likely feel like that, and of course that’s great! But if you don’t, if you (although it’s sad to leave) feel like it’s pretty nice to come home; don’t worry. You’re not an ungrateful, spoiled, negative crybaby. You just like your home. And that is, when you think about it, pretty great too.

You can’t spend a year having fun and being happy every single minute. Doing an exchange is hard. It has its ups and downs, just like the life back home. The only difference is that the ups might be even higher and the downs even deeper.

Doing an exchange is amazing, no doubt. You will learn and experience so much, you will get so many great memories and weird stories to tell and you will get friends all over the world, a second (and maybe a third and forth) family. It is, truly, a great experience.

But. You will get bored sometimes, just like home. You will complain about school, just like home. You will get annoyed at your host parents, just like your real parents. You will have days when all you want to do is to lie in your bed and watch Netflix and eat chocolate. Days when you feel like you’d rather been back home and ask yourself: “why did I go?” (Even if this, hopefully, is just temporary).

And you know what? That’s okay.

2015-05-Life-of-Pix-free-stock-photos-brooklyn-bridge-New-York

 

It’s okay if you’re not all amazed about your year abroad. If you don’t feel like it changed your life forever. If your friends at home still are your better friends. If you don’t get along super well with your host brother. If you don’t feel like you could spend the rest of your life in your host country. If you count the days that are left until you see your parents again. Don’t feel guilty about it. Don’t worry about you not trying hard enough or being ungrateful. All those things don’t have to mean you’re not happy about your exchange. That you don’t like your host country or the people or the food or your city. It just means you like your life at home too. And the exchange will always be, even if you didn’t have the time of your life all the time, a great experience and something you should never regret that you did.

 

 

Elma Pålsson born 1996, from a small village in the south of Sweden, doing an exchange in a small town in the middle of the pampas in Argentina, named Coronel Suarez. (14-15) With Rotary.